When we say a situation is “stressful,” what we’re really describing is our reaction to it, not the event itself. Stress is a human response: feelings of exhaustion, threat, or worry. Yet the facts of the situation remain unchanged, no matter how emotionally charged our perception may be.
Understanding the distinction between facts and feelings is crucial — not just for personal wellbeing, but for better decision-making and performance at work.
In our workshops, I often ask participants to list the tasks they find most challenging; activities like making cold calls, handling conflict, or giving difficult feedback. Then I ask them to describe their feelings toward these tasks. Words like frustration, resentment, and anxiety inevitably come up.
When we unpack it further, it’s clear that these emotional responses often trigger procrastination, avoidance, and low motivation. It’s not the task itself that holds people back, it’s how they feel about it.
You Can’t Always Change the Event — But You Can Change Your Response
Take making a cold call, for example. The fact of needing to make the call is fixed. However, your perception of that call, whether you view it as an opportunity or a threat — is entirely within your control.
If you choose to reframe the event and approach it with curiosity rather than dread, your actions and the outcome are far more likely to be positive.
Recent research from the American Psychological Association (2022) shows that individuals who practise cognitive reappraisal, the process of reframing stressful events – experience greater emotional resilience and report higher levels of goal achievement compared to those who react purely on instinct. In other words, mindset really matters.
Thoughts Are Not Facts
When we’re under pressure, it’s easy to become entangled in our own thinking. Our habitual thoughts shape our emotional world — and if left unchecked, can create a distorted version of reality.
To borrow a line from Shakespeare’s Hamlet: “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”
Awareness is the first step. When you catch yourself spiralling into negative emotion — irritation at a colleague, dread before a meeting — pause. Step back. Separate the fact from the feeling. Then choose the most constructive way to respond.
Challenge Yourself This Week
Over the coming week, if you feel an emotional hijack coming on, challenge yourself to slow down and reflect before you react.
- Pause and breathe.
- Identify the facts.
- Choose a response that serves your goals, not your emotions. By practising this, you’ll build greater emotional agility — a critical skill for leadership, resilience, and high performance.
At AttitudeWorks, we help individuals and teams develop these essential habits. Because success isn’t just about what happens to you — it’s about how you choose to respond.